• Brandt Maina

Finding Freedom is a darklightness that is is...

Updated: 7 days ago

3/24


There I was

Hot and bothered

At my tits end

I don’t hate people

I just really hurt when living with people


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, I AM FREE ( Sept 2022), No. 3/ 24 from "Prophetic Charcoal Dreams" (September 2022)

12 x 16 in

charcoal, oil and chalk pastel, ink on paper

So there was

Making hot chocolate

Stealing warmth

Steaming with frustration

There are boxes in the middle of the kitchen

There were boxes in the middle of the dinning room all weekend long

There were boxes in front of the door and just below the stairs

There were boxes you had to step over to get into the pantry

There were boxes you had to step over to get out of the pantry

There were…

There is a clattering of trash and smattering stuffs, a fuck-load of someone’s somethings everywhere and in your way at all times

There is an implosion going on somewhere inside me

Tucked away kindly

What do you do when they can't meet your need because they simply can't meet their own

Loving is Easy, but Hard



Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, Edi Tedd: suddenly, i am a car guy (Nov 17 2022 8:29pm)

4032 x 3024

digital photograph,

Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, Un Edited: suddenly, i am a clown goy (Nov 17 2022 8:29pm)

4032 x 3024

digital photograph



I digress

There I was

Fuming

Boiling my second pot of water because I had already let the last pot burn through with my absent-mindedness

From the periphery

My roommates walk out of the house all dressed up

A witch, a welder with a heart, and a literal traffic cone

Rattatatata

But softer

Pitter patter Thomp

Scomp

Tap tap tap

Are they back?

Who the Fünke is at the door at this late and rainy hour


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, I am hallucinating triangles (Nov 17 2022 8:25pm)

4032 x 3024

digital photograph

Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, Univega: apparently everyone's first bike (Nov 17 2022 8:23pm)

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Ssssck

“Trick or treat”

A bundle of little girls is huddling at my doorstep

Fairies and angels and goblins and ghoulish superheroes

It’s 7:07pm October 31st 2022

“Oh, shoot, I totally forgot that’s today.”

I didn’t but I did, but I didn’t.

In my head, still, such scenes only happen in the fragmented reality of American movies


“Okay…”

A chorus, soft young disappointment

The former opera singer closes the door

Halloween is my favorite holiday

But I never celebrate it

I don't hate the holidays

I hurt

Pitter patter

Titter tatter

The rain carries exhaustion away from the racing rat

Vroom vroom

I don’t hate people

I just really hurt when living with other people’s boxed and unboxed boxes in a box within a box within a block of boxes where children sing with wide Honest and loving-Accepting

They wore their kindness in their eyes

They exhaled Sympathy and walked away

They felt sad for me

That I was missing out


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, detain from I AM FREE ( Sept 2022), No. 3/ 24 from "Prophetic Charcoal Dreams" (September 2022)

12 x 16 in

charcoal, oil and chalk pastel, ink on paper



Mhhhh I thought something rather intelligent and funny yesterday

Somewhat profound maybe

Hm

Blah blah blah Thought thought thought

Yes yes

Life

Death

And the profundity of lost memories

Where do they go?

They have Know Where to run but between your head

So how can they leave

Are they not trapped inside your eyes

Are they not left wherever you last felt them

“No! Where?”

*searching earnestly


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, detain from I AM FREE ( Sept 2022), No. 3/ 24 from "Prophetic Charcoal Dreams" (September 2022)

12 x 16 in

charcoal, oil and chalk pastel, ink on paper


And there it is

Right there

Swirling like a galaxy with a Black Hole at it’s center

I AM ANCHORED to the Universe,

Grounded into Time



🌞🤲🏽

How have we forgotten what we’ve always know

Breathe against the Dark Matter that has always been there

The particles which push the Life right out of you

The Light

Let your Fear go

Embrace the Dark Silks which stroke your face

And let them scrape bristles of whirlwind between your thigh

🌞🤲🏽

Breathe against the Dark Matter that has always been there

The particles which pull the Light back into you

Ignite

Let your Pain glow into Self-less Love

Embrace the Bright Blood of star dust

Let them fill fresh flowers into your mouth


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, detain from I AM FREE ( Sept 2022), No. 3/ 24 from "Prophetic Charcoal Dreams" (September 2022)

12 x 16 in

charcoal, oil and chalk pastel, ink on paper

Oh, wait

I keep forgetting that we’re on dying planet

Oh, same?

Cool, cool

Remember to Forget

I am making a raft to hold onto

And if you’re reading this, you are in it

Yes, you, yes yes

You are, You are!

And you and me

We Are, I AM

HERE

But

I keep forgetting that we’re dying

Ambrosia and Hubris

Forget to Remember

For that is the fault of Youth

I AM CLEANSING PATIENCE AS OLD AS TIME

Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, Thelonious Tacos, it's a Jungle Out There (Nov 17 2022 6:00pm)

4032 x 3024

digital photograph


Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, detain from I AM FREE ( Sept 2022), No. 3/ 24 from "Prophetic Charcoal Dreams" (September 2022)

12 x 16 in

charcoal, oil and chalk pastel, ink on paper



Nov 1st 10:31pm

White orange slices

A dark cloud coats over the Quarter Moon

Life is the game no soccer mom could ever prepare you for

RUN BRANDT RUN

FASTER FASTER RUN

DIG DEEEEEEP RUN, BABY, RUN

The weight of supporting a whole being should not be this hard

Boo hoo

Boo hoo

You FLucking whiner

Draining complaints into anyone who will listen to you

Can’t this

Can’t that

Life is hard

Mye mye

Shut the snuck up and hold me

I AM HERE

Let Darkness swaddle Us with Hope

Lift into Life

Love Forgiveness

Atomic Sine

Blessings upon Blessings

Angelic Cosine

*speaking in Pentecostal tongues con tangerines

There is nothing without Darkness, cuties

What is the weight of a Sunbeam though Time

Where does it start?

Is it a crime

A sign that it lingers, to breathe Healing into the abandonment of this Black gay skin

Growing pains

A Boy and His Kite

Tall Shadows bathed in sunsets

A strong grey Absence shaped with Moonlight

No One et al.

No One is coming to save us

No One is coming to save me

I AM No One

I AM ALL

I AM ONE

I AM, I AM

HOLDING THE KEY

I AM FREE

“The past links to today, it gives you the power for today”









Brandt Maina | RIOA wa RIOE, Edi Tedd: Monica's Cat as a Reclining He/They (Nov 17 2022 8:46pm)

dimensions vary

digital photograph




“Discovering more joy does not, I’m sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we may cry more easily and laugh more easily too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreaks without being broken.”

-Desmond Tutu