bRandt maina
RIOA wa ROE
resilient joy collection
these digital pieces combine my favorite poems from, "resilient joy: a t. table book" (it's a coffee table book but for people only drink tea) and their associated photographs. the poems were minted as NFTs and sold on OpenSea.
a final farewell to the pain I called home
I came for a dream
But I left with a sin
It haunts me forever and ever, it will
You taught me to love me
But not from within
You handed me mirrors that only show him
But he is not Him, it was you through and through
You veiled all your lies and you called me a sin
You taught me to sing hallelujah to him
To him who was you, all along it was you
A heaven of men whose love I won’t win
When you can’t love me
Then how can your king
You’ll judge me forever
You’ll pray for my sin
Of loving and loving and flying my kite
Of hope as a flame that will brighten the night
Yes, Love is a light
You would know when you fight
To be seen and be known
And to not feel alone
And scared to the bone
That this life is a joy
With no doors, no invite
For a man with dark skin
And a love for his kin
But I’ll tell you my sin
See, I learned how to win
To love me through time
And to heal from within
To look at a mirror
To strip all your spite
To shine and to sing and to love with my light
I deserve more than your tolerant blight
I deserve life though my skin is not white
I deserve safety and freedom from fear
I deserve hugs and kisses, my dear
Yes, I deserve hugs and kiss, my dear
I came with a dream
But I left with no sin
I smile with a Joy, it is hope that will win
For Love can’t be sin when it’s Light from within
_______________
Tolerance is an insult to a God who is Love
Go where you are cherished and celebrated
Unconditionally
You deserve hugs and kisses, my dear
to the boy in that room with a smile up his face
Time is a galaxy, oh boy, my boy, I
Know I sound crazy and silly, my boy
But Love send His Love and His Wishes of Love
He sends them and sends them and sends them, my love
He hopes that you hear Him
He prays that you can
For sadness has taken and taken and taken again
And all you can hear is the pain from within
Hold on, oh my boy, they’ll be hills, oh my boy
Like valleys from home but depressions, my boy
Hold on for your life
For your joy
For I will be with you and you will be mine
You’ll come and together we’ll love me through time
With memories and letters and songs so divine
They’ll heal other lost boys, they will, oh my Son
Be kind to yourself and be kind to the Sun
She’ll give you forever, she’ll brighten the fun
Your smiles will be tears filled with joy, oh my son
She kisses and hugs you, She love you, my one
The Moon is your sister, she’ll guard you, my love
She’ll guide you forever, she’ll shine like the sun
In darkness, she’ll find you and love you, my boy
In circles and cycles, she’ll never forget
I cry for you deeply and dearly my boy
Your laugher, it cuts
That smile is a toy
But I’ll sing and we’ll sing and we’ll sing and we’ll sing
For time is a memory healing device
We all send you healing hope
May your Joys blossom Moons like the Sun
——————
adamant, unconditional self love
to the Mom who I hear and is here though she’s far
Happy Sunday, my love
I hope you are well
That Sun is with you
That She smiles all her joy
And reminds you of fun
Of a son who does love you, he loves you, my love
I miss you, my mummy
I miss all our joys
We sang with our hearts in hot cars, yes we sang
You taught me my voice, oh you taught me my joys
To sing and to dream and to hope like a boy
To love and be kind and be truth and be loved
I sing for my voice is the you from within
She guides me and holds me and shouts with a grin
“I am your forever
I sing by your side
So hear me and share me, shine Light from your tin”
I love you forever, my mummy, my joy
The Love that I heard long before I was boy
——————
asiyefunzwa na mamaye, hufunzwa na ulimwengu
🌞🌸
tabula rasa collection
let's play pretend: i am rupi kaur's long lost y-chromosome and you, bestie, have just found my iphone notes
let us sit uncomfortably in each other's privacy
let's, bestie, play intimacy
soak your tongue around forget me nots
and lie to me again
tell me you will love me
and walk the other way
Amen
Too many problems in my head
Amen
I love him
He loves me
She loves him
He loves her
I’m a sin
I have a high tolerance for emotional pain
Like a body builder with a tattoo obsession
I find new ways to layer pain
Over and over
Is it normal
To find myself in yet another
Fulfilling Unrequited love
Air out my room and home
Air out my funny bone
Air out my hair with a comb
Air out my heart, I’m alone
-12.4.21
He is my love
I am his sad memory
The Saddest Thing About Me:
I will always think I am in Love
When you hurt me most
Everyone I’ve ever loved usually does
I will wake up tomorrow
And 450 things will crawl out of my skin
And consume me whole
Dark unrelenting parasites
Unbothered by Morning’s hope
The daily sting of a hornet’s honey kiss
Sweetly i lay there
A child on soft belly
Waiting to be lifted from it’s crib
Staring at the candle
Letting it widen its flame
Taking with it my name
My flesh
My very existence
Ashes remain
Flesh so stiff
Flowing sooty smear
Soothing spirits clear
So sweet
Fleeting is a tear
“Fleeing here”
I’ve always felt you were strong and brave to be honest the way you are, and in these past few years, it’s become even more clear just how strong you are to be so vulnerable. Thank you. For your posts, your writing and our talks. Your voice is one of the loudest to always call me back when i start to lean into the dark.
Why do their lips wither to ashes in mine?
Cupid’s Blight
Hope
A Sisyphean workout
romantic nihilism — a sort of falling in love with the absurdity of falling in love with absurdity
2.10.21
Introspection on Racism
And instead of rejecting rejection,
I rejected myself.
- Samuel Betances
Walk ever so soft, quietly
They’ll never notice you are here
When Death makes you lighter still
They’ll never notice you were here
I’d lick the grief right off your lips
You’re going to do what you do best
You
I’m going to do what I do best
Believe you cared
Sometimes
I just want to sit in a room
Where someone will gaslight me
More than I gaslight myself
And i love that for me
Thats the best love i will actually know
Yay me
(This is a sad one, don’t post this)
You’re drunk and you’re gonna post this aren’t you.
I think this message is for both us — what if we gave the love and care we give to others to ourselves? What if we forgive ourselves for times we have let ourselves down? We do it for other people all the time — why do i not deserve my own love? Why wont i climb mountains, drain oceans, steal stars for myself?? The abundance of love and support i need is already within. I know this bc ive watched myself for years just give it to every man but me
Im going to spoil myself with love.
I gift myself all my love because I deserve it too - 2.2.2021
Hiraeth - homesickness for a home that never was
This body is my prison
It was a pleasure knowing this phase of you
- random tiktok 21.12.2020
I hope to one day find where we met in our past lives. i know with certainty we were kindred. We’ve held a strong bond before. Im not sure when but im sure of it. There are no reasons why a random boy from Queensland Australia and a random boy from East Africa should meet and be such good friends if not fate. Too many variables, too many butterflies wings and bees stings and thorn pricks and burns on a kitchen stove set in one timeline for us to meet
The less present you are the more alone you are
Not even your soul wants to be with you
But the bedroom is for inner most private secrets and desires . . . Passions untold and dreams which leave you wanting more 19.12.20
Such communication as words should not be mistaken for the thing itself that the finger pointing at the moon not be mistaken for the moon itself. Lao Tzu
“Absorb what is useful,
Discard what is not.
And add what is uniquely your own.”
Blood of Zeus
Not all who are powerful are gods 14.12.20
On Classical Music
A sequence through my soul
A cascade of pain
Yearning for resolution
25.11.20
Blue moons turn white
You too shall die
Rare love not right
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if to love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; and to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; to rest at noon and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude; and then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
On Defining Happiness:
A clear horizon
Nothing to worry about on your plate
Only things that are creative
and not destructive
-Alfred Hitchcock
I wonder if the stars shines bright so each of us can find our way hone
In some ways, e,
You are the brother i never had
In most ways
You are the brother i did have
Why is it that at my lowest
It is you who texts me at 3:33am?
I wish you would stop
5 texts at a time
Lost love has no right to supply
that much dopamine into my system
She-
I often find that with deep enough relationships, every person becomes somewhat of a stranger again. I wonder if you can only truly know people by recognizing the true depth of their distinctness from yourself, by moving past the stage where you think you know them completely and into the realization that they will always be a mystery
Me-
I have only had that experience once and only once— and as you may know, i am a friend whore, and a “collector” of people who’s minds are strange and divergent. I have had my share of intimate relationships where far too much is shared in far too short a time (that is the way of my people)
I find, with most people, the discoveries I make about them when we get to that depth of intimacy are affirmation of what I had already assumed. (Sometimes i am wrong, but truly not often. Wish i was more wrong so at least i could deflate my ego and realize i am insane)
But once, I did. I met a man who only offered surprises. Every moment with him was otherworldly. Time stopped and created caves for us to play in— we fell in love.
And then i smothered him because i didn't want anyone else to know magic.
So he ran away
As he should
i love the version of me,
that you brought out
who knew such depths of love
and kindness and joy
were always inside me
but this well we've dug
a sanctuary for lost souls
will no longer be your waterhole
How does it feel to be a heart?
For all I know is love
And now I find my heart infinite
And everywhere
Japanese “Tennen” the natural state of things as they are, without affection -haniarani
That does seem odd — that you lose some ownership of your meatbag once you’re not in it anymore
False highs, true lows - mr robot, ep. 4
Panic is normal when we feel alone — a spirit dangling untethered to the universe. But I am here with you. What do you need?
Nothing weighs more than a beautiful soul -
(can someone claim this because i surely did not write it, right?)
It was never going to be me
Mine is to steal moments
What if all you know of love are stolen moments from people who would love another
You are not wrong. Nor do I believe I am wrong. We have different perspectives and that is okay.
Perhaps mine doesn’t resist how pointless it all is— exerting so much effort and force to resists what is inevitable and natural.
For what you believe, you would set another on fire. For what I believe, I would set myself of fire. Either way, someone is on fire— i just don’t mind if its me - . 21.8.20
Ravel I reserve for when i’m feeling truly ethereal. Like i’ll flitter away with the wind if i exhale for too long
I have a difficult time not possessing that which i treasure.
There are so few kindnesses that it seems silly i ought not posses the few
You were never mine
- confessions of a klepto (homewrecker)
1.8.20: 12:02am
mhhh, you're getting self-indulgent, bestie
encourage me to publish the rest
