resilient joy collection

these digital pieces combine my favorite poems from, "resilient joy: a t. table book" (it's a coffee table book but for people only drink tea) and their associated photographs. the poems were minted as NFTs and sold on OpenSea. 

a final farewell to the pain I called home

 

I came for a dream

But I left with a sin

It haunts me forever and ever, it will

You taught me to love me

But not from within

You handed me mirrors that only show him

But he is not Him, it was you through and through
You veiled all your lies and you called me a sin

You taught me to sing hallelujah to him

To him who was you, all along it was you

A heaven of men whose love I won’t win

When you can’t love me

Then how can your king

You’ll judge me forever

You’ll pray for my sin

Of loving and loving and flying my kite

Of hope as a flame that will brighten the night

 

Yes, Love is a light

You would know when you fight

To be seen and be known

And to not feel alone

And scared to the bone

That this life is a joy

With no doors, no invite

For a man with dark skin

And a love for his kin

 

But I’ll tell you my sin

See, I learned how to win

To love me through time

And to heal from within

To look at a mirror

To strip all your spite

To shine and to sing and to love with my light

 

I deserve more than your tolerant blight

I deserve life though my skin is not white

I deserve safety and freedom from fear

I deserve hugs and kisses, my dear

Yes, I deserve hugs and kiss, my dear

 

I came with a dream

But I left with no sin

I smile with a Joy, it is hope that will win

For Love can’t be sin when it’s Light from within

 

_______________

 

Tolerance is an insult to a God who is Love

Go where you are cherished and celebrated

Unconditionally

You deserve hugs and kisses, my dear

to the boy .png

to the boy in that room with a smile up his face

 

Time is a galaxy, oh boy, my boy, I

Know I sound crazy and silly, my boy

But Love send His Love and His Wishes of Love

He sends them and sends them and sends them, my love

 

He hopes that you hear Him

He prays that you can

For sadness has taken and taken and taken again

And all you can hear is the pain from within

 

Hold on, oh my boy, they’ll be hills, oh my boy

Like valleys from home but depressions, my boy

Hold on for your life

For your joy

 

For I will be with you and you will be mine

You’ll come and together we’ll love me through time

With memories and letters and songs so divine

They’ll heal other lost boys, they will, oh my Son

 

Be kind to yourself and be kind to the Sun

She’ll give you forever, she’ll brighten the fun

Your smiles will be tears filled with joy, oh my son

She kisses and hugs you, She love you, my one

 

The Moon is your sister, she’ll guard you, my love

She’ll guide you forever, she’ll shine like the sun

In darkness, she’s find you and love you, my boy

In cycles and cycles, she’ll never forget

 

I cry for you deeply and dearly my boy

Your laugher, it cuts

That smile is a toy

But I’ll sing and we’ll sing and we’ll sing and we’ll sing

For time is a memory healing device

 

We all send you healing hope

May your Joys blossom Moons like the Sun

 

——————

 

adamant, unconditional self love

i long for blossoming.png
to the mom.png

to the Mom who I hear and is here though she’s far

 

Happy Sunday, my love

I hope you are well

That Sun is with you

That She smiles all her joy

And reminds you of fun

Of a son who does love you, he loves you, my love

I miss you, my mummy

I miss all our joys

We sang with our hearts in hot cars, yes we sang

You taught me my voice, oh you taught me my joys

To sing and to dream and to hope like a boy

To love and be kind and be truth and be loved

 

I sing for my voice is the you from within

She guides me and holds me and shouts with a grin

“I am your forever

I sing by your side

So hear me and share me, shine Light from your tin”

 

I love you forever, my mummy, my joy

The Love that I heard long before I was boy

 

——————

 

asiyefunzwa na mamaye, hufunzwa na ulimwengu

🌞🌸

tabula rasa collection

let's play pretend: i am rupi kaur's long lost y-chromosome and you, bestie, have just found my iphone notes
let us sit uncomfortably in each other's privacy 
let's, bestie, play intimacy
 

soak your tongue around forget me nots

and lie to me again

tell me you will love me

and walk the other way

 

Amen

Too many problems in my head

Amen

 

I love him

He loves me

She loves him

He loves her

I’m a sin

I have a high tolerance for emotional pain

Like a body builder with a tattoo obsession

I find new ways to layer pain

Over and over

Is it normal

To find myself in yet another

Fulfilling Unrequited love

Air out my room and home

Air out my funny bone

Air out my hair with a comb

Air out my heart, I’m alone

-12.4.21

He is my love

I am his sad memory

 

 

The Saddest Thing About Me:

I will always think I am in Love

When you hurt me most

Everyone I’ve ever loved usually does

I will wake up tomorrow

And 450 things will crawl out of my skin

And consume me whole

Dark unrelenting parasites

Unbothered by Morning’s hope

The daily sting of a hornet’s honey kiss

Sweetly i lay there

A child on soft belly

Waiting to be lifted from it’s crib

Staring at the candle

Letting it widen its flame

Taking with it my name

My flesh

My very existence

Ashes remain

 

Flesh so stiff

Flowing sooty smear

Soothing spirits clear

So sweet

Fleeting is a tear

“Fleeing here”

I’ve always felt you were strong and brave to be honest the way you are, and in these past few years, it’s become even more clear just how strong you are to be so vulnerable. Thank you. For your posts, your writing and our talks. Your voice is one of the loudest to always call me back when i start to lean into the dark.

Why do their lips wither to ashes in mine?

Cupid’s Blight 

Hope

A Sisyphean workout

romantic nihilism — a sort of falling in love with the absurdity of falling in love with absurdity

2.10.21

Introspection on Racism

And instead of rejecting rejection,

I rejected myself.

- Samuel Betances

Walk ever so soft, quietly

They’ll never notice you are here

When Death makes you lighter still

They’ll never notice you were here

 

 

I’d lick the grief right off your lips

 

 

You’re going to do what you do best

You

I’m going to do what I do best

Believe you cared

Sometimes

I just want to sit in a room

Where someone will gaslight me

More than I gaslight myself

And i love that for me

Thats the best love i will actually know

Yay me

(This is a sad one, don’t post this)

You’re drunk and you’re gonna post this aren’t you.

I think this message is for both us — what if we gave the love and care we give to others to ourselves? What if we forgive ourselves for times we have let ourselves down? We do it for other people all the time — why do i not deserve my own love? Why wont i climb mountains, drain oceans, steal stars for myself?? The abundance of love and support i need is already within. I know this bc ive watched myself for years just give it to every man but me


 

Im going to spoil myself with love.

I gift myself all my love because I deserve it too - 2.2.2021

Hiraeth - homesickness for a home that never was

This body is my prison

It was a pleasure knowing this phase of you

- random tiktok 21.12.2020

 

 

I hope to one day find where we met in our past lives. i know with certainty we were kindred. We’ve held a strong bond before. Im not sure when but im sure of it. There are no reasons why a random boy from Queensland Australia and a random boy from East Africa should meet and be such good friends if not fate. Too many variables, too many butterflies wings and bees stings and thorn pricks and burns on a kitchen stove set in one timeline for us to meet

 

The less present you are the more alone you are

Not even your soul wants to be with you

 

 

But the bedroom is for inner most private secrets and desires . . . Passions untold and dreams which leave you wanting more 19.12.20

 

Such communication as words should not be mistaken for the thing itself that the finger pointing at the moon not be mistaken for the moon itself. Lao Tzu

 

“Absorb what is useful,

Discard what is not.

And add what is uniquely your own.”

Blood of Zeus

 

 

Not all who are powerful are gods 14.12.20

 

On Classical Music

 

A sequence through my soul

A cascade of pain

Yearning for resolution

25.11.20

 

 

Blue moons turn white

You too shall die

Rare love not right

 

 

 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if to love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; and to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; to rest at noon and meditate love's ecstasy; to return home at eventide with gratitude; and then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

 

 

On Defining Happiness:

 

A clear horizon

Nothing to worry about on your plate

Only things that are creative

and not destructive

-Alfred Hitchcock

 

I wonder if the stars shines bright so each of us can find our way hone

In some ways, e,

You are the brother i never had

In most ways

You are the brother i did have

 

 

Why is it that at my lowest

It is you who texts me at 3:33am?

I wish you would stop

5 texts at a time

Lost love has no right to supply

that much dopamine into my system

 

She-

I often find that with deep enough relationships, every person becomes somewhat of a stranger again. I wonder if you can only truly know people by recognizing the true depth of their distinctness from yourself, by moving past the stage where you think you know them completely and into the realization that they will always be a mystery

 

Me-

I have only had that experience once and only once— and as you may know, i am a friend whore, and a “collector” of people who’s minds are strange and divergent. I have had my share of intimate relationships where far too much is shared in far too short a time (that is the way of my people)

 

I find, with most people, the discoveries I make about them when we get to that depth of intimacy are affirmation of what I had already assumed. (Sometimes i am wrong, but truly not often. Wish i was more wrong so at least i could deflate my ego and realize i am insane)

 

But once, I did. I met a man who only offered surprises. Every moment with him was otherworldly. Time stopped and created caves for us to play in— we fell in love.

 

And then i smothered him because i didn't want anyone else to know magic.

 

So he ran away

As he should

 

i love the version of me,

that you brought out

who knew such depths of love

and kindness and joy

were always inside me

 

but this well we've dug
a sanctuary for lost souls

will no longer be your waterhole

 

How does it feel to be a heart?

For all I know is love

And now I find my heart infinite

And everywhere

 

Japanese “Tennen” the natural state of things as they are, without affection -haniarani

That does seem odd — that you lose some ownership of your meatbag once you’re not in it anymore

 

False highs, true lows - mr robot, ep. 4

 

Panic is normal when we feel alone — a spirit dangling untethered to the universe. But I am here with you. What do you need?
 

 

 


Nothing weighs more than a beautiful soul -
(can someone claim this because i surely did not write it, right?)
 

 


 

It was never going to be me

Mine is to steal moments

What if all you know of love are stolen moments from people who would love another

 

 

You are not wrong. Nor do I believe I am wrong. We have different perspectives and that is okay.

 

Perhaps mine doesn’t resist how pointless it all is— exerting so much effort and force to resists what is inevitable and natural.

 

For what you believe, you would set another on fire. For what I believe, I would set myself of fire. Either way, someone is on fire— i just don’t mind if its me - . 21.8.20

 

Ravel I reserve for when i’m feeling truly ethereal. Like i’ll flitter away with the wind if i exhale for too long

I have a difficult time not possessing that which i treasure.

 

There are so few kindnesses that it seems silly i ought not posses the few

 

You were never mine

- confessions of a klepto (homewrecker)

1.8.20: 12:02am

 

mhhh, you're getting self-indulgent, bestie
encourage me to publish the rest

Untitled-1.png

oil pastels